I have been so wrong, I thought for most of my adult life that because I stayed in a bad marriage,for 25 years and was the best wife I knew how to be,becoming the slut or the sinner to maybe capture back my love’s heart.. anything I could find to read on what to do or try, then, oh ya know the saint, Saint Karla…haha…that I would have special blessing and favors in life from others,God in particular …today I am 65, divorced, living alone, struggling, really not happy, complaining alot, whinning, thinking.. thinking… analyzing every wrong thing I can not deal with every change that I don’t want to change, wondering have I become the narcissist, that I have warned others about, so I look it up and again to get clarifaction.
“Narcissistic Personality – personality marked by self-love and self-absorption; unrealistic views about your own qualities and little regard for others.”
I have to admit, some of the attributes, of this personality, I do have, BUT I also care very much what others think and, and my regard for for others is what gets me into so much trouble..so this cazy world in my head, is just that; crazy.!….I will go on..writting for a little while for my crazy mind, maybe through this it can be figured all out.
Life hasn’t been all bad, even though the crap, the deep crap, the walk wasn’t alone, I have some wonderful friends and they are closer than family….of course my family has long gone on to the other side….which I mean, my sister, my brother, mother and daddy.
I have sons, grandsons,granddaughter, and I have greatgrands, girls and boys.This is another whole world, when I think of them and what is happening with all of these blood relations of mine….questions do arise. I never wanted girls, but now I can see where girls really could have been beneficial and enjoyable in ones older age.
Most of the time the feeling of being an “after-thought, in the way” raises it’s ugly head, but since feelings are just feelings, its ok. I do wonder how many other people in the older range get these same thoughts and feelings, of being in the way, on the back burner? If anyone takes the time to read all of my thinkings and crazy mind stuff and would like to say a thing or two…please do..
Thank You, to me for letting myself share!!
Ms K
Karla Ingram 